How can you be over something if it still hurt you?

When something happens, something we don't expect, something bad, most of the time, our brains try to act as if it never did happen. We go about our days like normal. It never happened, we tell ourself, we lie to ourself. Though, nothing will change the fact, it did happen. Nothing will change it. Not lying. Not pretending. Nothing will. But, there's no doubt, everyone likes to have hope that a certain bad thing, did not happen. We, humans live in hope. Our brains lie to ourself, hoping a miracle will happen to help cover up the truth.

But, you'll never be able to lie forever. Not even to yourself. Reality shows it's ugly face and you begin to realise. It strucks you like a lightning bolt, bringing you out of fantasy land and back into earth. It has happened! You feel the hurt, the pain, the lost, the loneliness. You start to cry. The whole time, it hurts like someone stabbed a hole into your heart. But, somehow, the knife is plunging deeper and deeper. You can't breathe! You feel suffocated! This goes on for hours. And as you cry, you begin to feel relief. All the pain you've been holding back seem to flow away with your tears. You feel exhausted and rather calm as you fall into a dreamless sleep.

You wake up the next day. It's a brand new day! And a brand new start of your life. You've released all the pain in you and it's time to move on. Friends seem to keep you going. They keep you up and your happy self. And you're life is busy. So many things to do! So many things to finish! So many things to learn! You go on with your life. Though there's something missing in your heart, everyone could hardly tell the difference.

Days pass. Months pass. I'm over it, you tell yourself. I can talk about it and I don't feel sad about it anymore. I'm over it!

Suddenly, one day, you sit down and think of it. Look through stuff that is related to it. I am over it anyways, I can look through these. It doesn't matter. But, as you look through all that, you feel the familiar sensation you felt months ago, the knife plunging into your heart, deeper and deeper and deeper. The feeling that you can't breathe. It suffocates you. It hurts you so much to face the truth. You ask yourself, How can something that doesn't matter to me anymore, hurt me so much? And the answer smacks you in the face,

It does matter to me.

It did for a long time and it still does.

And it will matter to me for a long time.

A very long time.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Cause it's gone.

GONE.